Pennywise and Passport Foolish: My $890 Lesson in Sky-Level Regret (A Condor Airlines Survival Tale)

“Have you ever heard the saying ‘cheap is expensive’? I hadn’t  until I boarded Condor Airlines.”

 There are adventures… and then there are warnings. This, my friend, is the latter.

Let me take you back. I was flying from Seattle to Paris to attend the Cannes Film Festival (more on that beautiful whirlwind in another post). Like any savvy budget traveler, I was on the hunt for a good deal  something that wouldn’t burn my wallet before I even touched French soil. Amid the flight options from KLM, British Airways, and Lufthansa, I stumbled on what felt like a miracle: Condor Airlines, offering a roundtrip ticket for only $890.

KLM was hovering around $1,000+. “Bingo!” I thought. Pennywise and travel-wise. Oh, how wrong I was.

✈️ Welcome to the Condor Experience

If I could give out awards, Condor Airlines would walk away with the gold for Worst Airline Experience in the World. And trust me  I don’t hand out that kind of title lightly.

Let’s start with the basics: Condor has no in-person representatives at any airport. Seattle? Nope. Paris? Nope. Frankfurt? Keep dreaming. If you’ve got a question or an issue (and you will), you’re stuck playing a sad game of customer service telephone with people who will remind you: “I don’t work for Condor. I work for the airport.”

Hidden Fees Galore

• $35 just to check in because my phone wasn’t working.

• $99 to check in my handbag  a handbag, not a suitcase!

• $199 for a seat upgrade because otherwise, I couldn’t bring my bag onboard.

• Food? Let’s just say... if you’ve ever wondered what prison meals taste like at 30,000 feet, Condor’s got you covered. I’ve had better snacks in jury duty holding rooms.

Delays Without Decency

The flight from Paris was scheduled to depart at 8:00 a.m. We boarded after 8:30. No announcements. No staff. No apology. Just confused passengers and a terminal that looked like a forgotten ghost town.

By the time I arrived in Germany for my layover, I was already counting the euros this “budget” airline had cost me. And then came the kicker: I was expected to pay another $99 in Germany to bring my same bag onto the next leg to Seattle. That’s $200 round trip for a handbag that wouldn’t make it past TSA without being scolded in America.

So what did I do?

🧥 The Great Condor Clothes Layering Escape

I put every piece of clothing I had... on my body. Yes, I layered up like I was heading for an Arctic expedition. I looked like a character from a children’s book who got dressed in the dark. But I saved myself the extra $99 and walked onto that flight without my bag, dignity slightly dented, but victorious.

💡 Travel Tips for the Real Ones

1. Avoid Condor at all costs. I know, $890 is tempting. But when the hidden fees, the stress, and the poor customer service hit  you’ll wish you spent the extra $100 on a reputable airline.

2. Always check if your ticket includes baggage, meals, and check-in access. Sometimes, the “cheap” ticket only buys you a seat and a headache.

3. Call ahead if your airline has no counter at the airport. And pray someone answers.

4. Bring snacks. Prison food isn’t travel food.

   
   

🕊️ Final Words from 30,000 Feet

Pennywise and Passport Foolish: Navigating the Globe on a Shoestring is all about making smart choices with limited resources. But the Condor experience wasn’t about resourcefulness  it was a lesson in survival. Sometimes saving money means spending a little more to protect your peace.

And friend, if you’re ever tempted by Condor’s low prices… I’m begging you  don’t. Not even for the story.